Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
