I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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