oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
