Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
