I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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