Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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