Need sex. Gaining weight.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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