just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
