smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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