It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
