I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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