Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
