So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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