hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
