He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
True strength comes from lack of pants
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
