there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
