Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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