Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
