just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
