How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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