Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
