i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
