There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
