True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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