is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
