Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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