You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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