Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
