I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
