she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
