to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
