My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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