he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
