on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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