As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
