You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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