You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
