Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
