It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
