respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
