very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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