Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
