If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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