im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
