things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
