If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I love having hate sex.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
