Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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