everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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