they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
