Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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