so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
