somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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